solid hydration

I was drinking from my Powerade the other day and I noticed that it says on the bottle that Powerade is "liquid hydration". Really. Liquid hydration. I'm glad I was drinking my hydration. I'd hate to have that new solid hydration cause it's apparently only taken rectally. In reality there is a product called gooze that is like a slimy gel you eat that hydrates you. Friggin' weird.
Fruit20 is the same way. They have waters that are focused on energy, immunity defense and one for hydration. Like all waters don't hydrate. Sometimes......

I have my mother's thighs, I have to accept that

Were I a potstirrer I would ask some inflammatory question and probably be flooded with comments. Being the sweet fella that I am I just want to ask in this order:
1. What was the greatest meal you've ever had?
2. Where is your Bible right now?
3. What song makes your skin tingle with the feeling that music is the heartbeat of God?

Show us your skirt Jimmy

I was thinking today. I get really mad at a lot of stuff and stew on it. Too often God gets the brunt of my anger. I was mad at my co-worker who gets into at least two stupid fights a day with his girlfriend. Secondly, I was mad at my lot in life. You see, I load boxes from here to there all day and I'm trying to find a job in ministry. Well, on days like today, when we get too much to do and don't have the tools to adequately complete our task, I get angry. At life, co-workers, and God. This stems, I believe from a flawed view of what I am owed in life. Sometimes I think that because I live Christianly I should get the perfect job and a great night's sleep and a wife who cooks and enough money to invest and live securely. Just between you and me, I'm the least financially successfully member of my small group.
But my conditions have nothing to do with my faith. Sometimes the most faithful of all have nothing. Whereas on the other hand, those with the perfect life have a hollow existence. I guess this is just me being brutally honest with myself and you the viewer. From time to time I believe the lies. Truthfully it scares me to think I could be a faith experiment like Hosea or Abraham. Am I just supposed to be faithful with what I've got or should I aspire to greater things? Sorry, I forgot this blog was supposed to be about random crap. I almost heard a cheesy soundtrack swelling in the background.
If they made nursing commercials as cool as armed forces recuitment commercials, they probably wouldn't have to beg for nurses or teachers or whatever. I'm growing my hair out again. Yeah, there too, but I'm actually talking about on my head. later fashionistas

Confession is good for the soul

I'm a liar. I don't know why. I seem to fib about minor things. Maybe to seem smarter than I am. Maybe to get out of things I don't want to do. I've always been good at it. But it in no way honors God. Even lies that are small are beneath his standard. I realize I'll never be perfect and never get life completely right but if I can't even do the easy ones I might as well throw in the towel.
I realize from time to time what I don't get right. It makes verses like "while we were still sinners, Christ died for us" mean a lot more. Because I'm still a sinner. But I'm also a saint. My mother thinks I have low self esteem. It's not true. I'm just the only one besides God who really knows my every thought and motive and action. See I have a healthy dose of self worth but it's tempered by a huge scoop of self loathing. That's the battle. The one in your own mind. Some people don't dwell like I do. They can ask for forgiveness and just be on their merry way. I have to have a sobbing, chest-heaving episode of contrition before I can get that crappy feeling out of my system. And it's usually to music. Steve camp, third day, phillips, craig and dean to name a few.
Have you ever seen a dog be surprised by its own farts? Hilarious. Why is it that whenever anything smells bad we always want someone else to smell it? Guilty. later melancholics

the most inocuous title ever

This is me getting back on the horse. I hope I spelled innocuous right. I'm sure someone will correct me if not. So anyways....Has anyone else noticed how they show scenes in movie trailers and commercials that aren't in the movie? Take note next time. To anonymous one: I have been meaning to write but the computer I compose on does not have email. my sister is married living in Wisconsin and procreating.One kid already and one on the way. I really am going to write soon.
Ladies and gentleman reading this, I hope someday all is revealed. All motives, intentions,actions thoughts. The burden is too great for me. Without forgiveness how would we function, How could we live with ourselves? I'm constantly overwhelmed by the storehouse of my own memories. Not with guilt or feelings of inadequacy but with the weight of who I have been and what I have done. How many times have I caught myself in the same lies, doing the same garbage, watching the same crap? Every step forward seems to be followed by more the other way. This is not some hopeless tirade. It's not some Paulesque listing of the wretched details of my life. It's an electronic plea. It's a public prayer. My life is incomplete. It has not been fully lived. There was too much holding me back. to be continued...

turn and cough

greetings sports fans, I have triumphantly returned. Let me start by saying I'm all for airport security, but what the crap! I had to take off my belt twice, my shoes once and put my dignity aside countless times. Oh the foul language that formed in my head each time I dealt with a member of an airline. On the plane you can't have headphones on in case you might miss the really important announcement they give at the beginning of each flight. Apparently it's Ok to read and completely ignore her but not to stare straight at her and have headphones on. Also there is a weight limit now to bags that I don't remember. So I had to put twenty pounds of stuff in a box, which by the way got punctured. Two bags forty each, that's ok. One bag 70 pounds, off with your head. I almost ripped the lady's head off. ( i have unresolved anger)
I have a theory. Men really do want to be honest with each other. We want to have consequences for our mistakes. We even want to cry every once in a while. But we want to do these things on neutral ground. With a beer in our hands. Who can't see healing while playing poker? Who can't envision confession after the ball game. Why do we have to formulaicly sing, greet, hug, listen, nod and go home every Sunday? Can't church be something more dangerous? Don't get me wrong I'm no daredevil, outdoorsman, or gearhead. I do think that men are yearning for church that doesn't make them want to roll their eyes. "NEWSFLASH" Jesus wasn't a pansy. He belched and farted and worked with his hands and had callouses and wrestled with his friends and had no time for fakers. He desired people who would worship him in spirit and in truth. You know why I can't sing in worship times anymore? It's because I would be lying to God. I can't and won't be false before him. I am a flawed being. I laugh at things I shouldn't laugh at. I resist disciplines which would make me more like Christ. I engage in disobedient behaviors. But I know that greater men have gone before me who have sinned greater, fallen flatter, procrastinated longer and strayed farther. From King David to Franklin Graham. I believe that God will not give up on a man who aspires to be more than he is. Pray for me and the men who share that vision that we can convince others that Christ is for them.

tedious tasks and crapping air

Synonyms for farts
bad case of pocket thunder
crapping air
baking methane muffins

Life is a funny thing. Today I'm going to be doing a lot of things, "tedious tasks" some might call them. But I love doing them. Going to be doing a 24 parody for the youth group. We need to include the line "who are you working for? !!! " at least 3 times. That's really all I know that's truly hilarious. Has anyone else noticed that food keeps getting smaller? Any premade product you buy keeps going down in size. I don't mind them charging more but could they at least have the decency to keep the product the same size. It's like they're hoping we won't notice.
Days off mean a lot more when you don't have as many as you used to. How I long for the constant breaks of college life. Blue jackets still sitting on 11 wins. Completely depressing.

breastmilk ice cream

As I sit here with my wife I'm awash in glory. I have created a blog. To anyone out there that knows me this is anti-jon. Technology, I mean. The title is rather self explanatory but I'll share the background. I was just sitting here and we were looking at the ben and jerry's website and I wondered aloud if anyone had ever made breastmilk ice cream.
I really don't want a flood of recipes here. Just for posterity I want to give a big screw you to all the greenlighters out there who never told me about this blogging thing. I've wanted a forum for all my bellyaching for years. Keep your eyes open people this is going to be the most meaningful visit of your day!
The cookie man is done.