I'm a liar. I don't know why. I seem to fib about minor things. Maybe to seem smarter than I am. Maybe to get out of things I don't want to do. I've always been good at it. But it in no way honors God. Even lies that are small are beneath his standard. I realize I'll never be perfect and never get life completely right but if I can't even do the easy ones I might as well throw in the towel.
I realize from time to time what I don't get right. It makes verses like "while we were still sinners, Christ died for us" mean a lot more. Because I'm still a sinner. But I'm also a saint. My mother thinks I have low self esteem. It's not true. I'm just the only one besides God who really knows my every thought and motive and action. See I have a healthy dose of self worth but it's tempered by a huge scoop of self loathing. That's the battle. The one in your own mind. Some people don't dwell like I do. They can ask for forgiveness and just be on their merry way. I have to have a sobbing, chest-heaving episode of contrition before I can get that crappy feeling out of my system. And it's usually to music. Steve camp, third day, phillips, craig and dean to name a few.
Have you ever seen a dog be surprised by its own farts? Hilarious. Why is it that whenever anything smells bad we always want someone else to smell it? Guilty. later melancholics
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5 comments:
You should write a devotional book...I'm still thinking about what you should call it. I've always enjoyed you Jon Hurd. You crack me up.
Thanks double m. Congrats on the babies. I realize I haven't spoken to you in 7 years. Are you blogging? because it wouldn't let me go there. Good to know my mindless drivel can inspire or deflate or whatever. Hey author comes next after songwriter and male prostitute.
Thanks for the comment. My strange looks and untrusting demeanor...Hmm..not sure I understand.
I never felt I could be me..because I was living a lie. I tried so hard to be what everyone wanted or expected me to be. But inside it just wasn't me.
I don't go to church anymore..I'm not bitter and I actually would not have made my exodus except that I kind of had to. I have a partner..yes..I'm with a woman and that is why I feel so free. I made a choice..it was hard..not easy..and sometimes I still wonder..but at the same time..I've never been happier than now.
well laurie and I saw you in the mall one time and you looked like you couldn't get out of there quick enough. It was a long time ago. I'm sure that I was high or something. As far as the untrust goes I don't know that one summer together was enough to gain your trust.
This one made me laugh so much my nose is running. I was already laughing when I hit the part about dog farts...That put me over the edge.
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