Monday, August 31, 2009

Farewell, for now

I was at the auto title department and they had a box where you could leave suggestions or comments. Presumably on the job they were doing. Nice. Only there were NO CARDS!!! Had I the quick-wittedness , I would have written on scrap paper the need for an actual means to suggest something.
Having had much difficulty getting inspired to write, I humbly take a bow and leave the blogging spotlight.
Please feel free to leave suggestions or comments. And live outside the lines.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Stuff I tried to remember

While on vacation we took four flights. I discovered that for some reason, when I fly, I order tomato juice. I never drink it at other times. Only on airplanes.
I was in the bank the other day and I noticed something disturbing about myself. There was some really lame song on the radio and I found myself tapping along. I looked down horrified and immediately stopped. But it made me think about a trend that has developed. I listen to a lot of sports radio because I drive all day and I catch myself humming along to the ridiculous jingles. Or if I'm in a business that has music playing I sing in my head along with it. Even if I hate it! Especially if I hate it!
I think I'm going to start collecting shoes that are left on the highway. I'm flabbergasted at the number of people losing shoes on the interchanges of Columbus.
Only missing one more season of Scrubs. Laurie got season four of Alias from Lutes as a gift so her collection is complete.
I've narrowed my eating needs down to five meals. If I could eat these five things all the time I'd be a happy man. Pizza, chicken fingers, cheeseburgers, tuna subs, and egg Mcmuffins.
I have decided to grow the hair. I don't care what it will cost me in career. I'm not saying I'll keep it forever, but it feels more like me when I have my hair long. I'll cut it eventually and donate it to locks of love.
We are officially not sure what we're having. We think it's a girl based on the gyno's guess but...we won't know until the thing pops out.
I learned yesterday that I'm not as good a friend as I think I am. I was sort of complaining to a friend about another friend who didn't make it to small group but that I guess I understood cause he was hanging with his mother who is convalescing. He replied that she had just been in the emergency room the previous night and that he had been there with him. So I extrapolated there had been some kind of communication between them. Now I would never say I was a better friend to that guy then he was but I never knew how far back I was until that moment. I yearn for that kind of friendship. I try to be that kind of friend. But I am far off.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

It's more than a feeling

So I killed a fly the other day. Slapped it down out of midair. It reminded me of my days at French Camp. Yeah, French Camp. Lutes and I went and used to play ping-pong on our lunch breaks. There, we would be bombarded by hornets. So I took it upon myself to go on the attack. I considered it an insult that they would come after me so I got really aggressive with them. That summer I think I ended the life of at least 30 yellow jackets. I felt like the brave little tailor. Seven in one blow. I really hate insects. I mean truly loathe them. I will leave an outdoor party just to get away from them. I blame my parents cause we lived in mosquito rich country and did a lot of outdoor activities, which as a kid, I didn't have the choice of doing or not doing.
I was thinking about flatulence. Emma calls them toots. Apparently the universally accepted word fart is not allowed at daycare. So anyway, she has this little fart machine that makes sounds and names the different farts. It does this very inaccurately in my humble opinion and I wondered if I could do better. Here goes: The groaner, The splatter, the lady fart(completely silent), the puppy dog(escapes and surprises you), the tuba, the machine gun, and the grunt(includes a push of some kind.)
I've come to realize that most of the people on sports talk radio are blowhards. They make these outrageous statements and then don't feel the responsibility to back it up. They claim to speak for the fan and just raise a ruckus for themselves. I guarantee you hardly any thinking adults care about what they have to say. Which says just as much about us as them I guess.
It was suggested I start writing about my love list and it got me to thinking about it's origins. I was intending to start a list of things that I hated or made me mad or pissed me off. But one of my friends chided me into staying positive and creating a list of things that I loved or made me happy. It almost climbed to a thousand items before I stopped. The list on the blog is in no way comprehensive.
Canada seems so close. I look forward to seeing most of you. And ignoring all the rest.

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Marvin Milquetoast and other things Jon Steppe taught me

I'm a big fan of maxims; Those little words of wisdom in short sentence form. I've probably not taken to habit as many as I'd like but they intrigue me. I always thought I'd be very good at creating my own but it seems you can't just start using them and hope people pick up on them. You either have to have a captive audience or have them immortalized in print or audio media. This is not to say I just have 50 one liners on the tip of my tongue. Quite the opposite. I can never be as clever as I want to when called upon and my recall of funny stories is lacking.
No, I'm really more of a seat of my pants kind of guy. Even in public speaking I always wanted to veer off at the risk of losing my place in a much better constructed train of thought. And so I wonder if I'll be given the opportunity to show that passion or mild giftedness.
The more logical assumption is that I'm going to have to make my own luck. I need to be pro-active in my attempt to have my thoughts and words considered on a grander stage. It's been suggested to me that I have a certain je-ne-sais-quois. A kind of style of conversing that some people appreciate. This week alone I've been told to find an outlet for my "talents". (The true artist always thinks he has none.)
Truthfully, I've come across many writers (or at least bloggers) who I think should find a way to organize their thoughts into a bound edition of some sort. And to be counted among them, at least by some, is humbling.
I guess the hard part is subject matter that can perfectly or adequately goad the words into existence. I look forward to what makes me want to put pen to page or digit to keys. Your help as always is greatly appreciated. Topics for scrutiny can be submitted here or on my facebook page. And in the immortal words of Bartles and James, "Thank you for your support".

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Need I say more?

There was a commercial for Axe shampoo that quoted a stat saying 85% of women find dandruff a turn-off. 85%?What, the other fifteen percent are into it? Or not that turned off? Apparently there is a similar percent of women not turned off by B.O., halitosis, front-ass, nose hair, and stupidity. Cause let me tell ya, there are some gross idiots out there. And a lot of women dating them.
I paid $5.16 for 3 pieces of chocolate tonight. Godiva chocolate. I'd feel bad but it's almost worth it. I could have bought 2 pounds of M&M's however. Life's about trade-offs. I love going to stay at the Horners cause they appreciate food as much as I do. We always eat great.
I was reminded of a fun series of commercials while listening to the radio. Nike had the "Fun Police" with Gary Payton and Kevin Garnett. Always guest starring some other famous players, past or present. Leon's Furniture used to have these Ho Ho Hold the payment commercials that always made me laugh out loud too.
I always think of random crap when I'm watching TV or listening to the radio that I wish I could discuss with someone. My wife wouldn't really care and I can't blame her. Having a wingman to talk to would be awesome though.
Some fun facts about me:
I am terrible at video games.
I have two screws in my right hip. Big ones.
I've been in my local paper at least 6 times. Can you say that?
I had the highest average of any male in the sixth grade of my elementary school.
Both my siblings were the valedictorians at Bethany.
I have over a hundred Ben and Jerry's pints in my collection.
I don't wear a watch.
I have 22 mix CD's and love making them.
I've never seen The Wizard of Oz.
I've made almost $5000 selling cookies from home.

Thursday, May 07, 2009

Bend with your knees

Emma has discovered that daddy has a front uhh...appendage. She calls it my tail. Now for all of you out there who think I parade around naked just suppress that gag reflex. She tries to see it, sometimes after peeing or getting out of the shower. There is no gratuitous nudity in the Hurd household.
We just bought a mini-van. Not quite sure how I feel about that. It's nice and all but it's a mini-van man.
I got my second ticket the other week. I was apparently riding the guy in front of me in rainy weather. A two-fer of misdeeds. My first came in college when I ran a red light I thought was green. Never get tired of remembering that.
Four weeks in a row of great movies coming out. Though if history is any indication I'll see maybe one in theaters. Wolverine, Star Trek, Angels and Demons, Terminator Salvation, all worth seeing but I'm really holding out for Harry Potter. Those idiots at the studio have made me wait for nine friggin months!
Had a fun night with my buddy Scott last night. Caught up, laughed, shopped, swore, and cruised in his sweet Mustang.
I'm considering getting a tattoo. The rub is that I hate needles. Hate. Have you ever noticed that the feeling you get when you release a huge pee is similar to that of sexual release? Maybe it's just me. Sorry to the unmarrieds out there who can't relate.
Have you ever been behind someone at a fast food restaurant and they've been standing in line for like five minutes and they get up their and they act like they've never seen the menu before? "Ummmm, I'll have..." Grrr.
Positives: anniversary plans, Toyota engines, moms
Negatives: fridge repairs, wet little girl, the price of gold

Monday, April 13, 2009

Let the wookie win

We just had our Easter services at the church and to my chagrin, there was in three installments, flowery, weaving, womanly interpretive dance. I happen to know at least three guys who cringe every time this happens. I want to start writing sermons again. Not only to get back in the word but to flex that skill for prospective employers.
Laurie and I as of right now will be parents again. We go to the ob today at one for the first sonogram.
We're getting a new car later this week. I need a ride to get to work so Laurie doesn't have to drop me off all the time and it'll free me up to look for work during the days. We are going to get a sweet deal because I work for a dealership now.
We are flying up to Bangor and then renting a car on June 30th. Ahhhh...a week in Canada. I look forward to friends, family and familiarity. I would move there in a second but Laurie has some reservations. For instance, it snowed this weekend in NB. Here it was a balmy 55 degrees. The uncertainty of daycare, proximity to grandparents, and me giving up my green card, all good reasons to stay here. Plus there's my ever evolving job search. (sigh)

Thursday, March 26, 2009

The Ides of March

I'd love to be a radio host. I just heard from Jeff Fuller that he gets to participate in a late night sports radio program. I almost crapped with envy. I've always been, for better or worse, a commentator. My opinion comes out on way too many things. And that forum seems to be one of the only left where you get to be free with what you say. In fact most of the guys who do it are kind of jerks.(Think: Colin Cowherd, Rush Limbaugh)
I'm flipping between the college basketball sweet sixteen and my Columbus Blue Jackets throttling the Calgary Flames.(5-0 and counting)
I'm the heaviest I've ever been in my life and it's got to stop. Laurie and I started an eating plan and I've actually gained weight! But you know what, I'm actually happy with myself. Sure I'd love to shrink the old belly and eliminate the jiggle but if it happens agonizingly slowly I can live with that.
I've got a new job being the runner for a used car dealership. It's fun. Driving like a hundred miles a day. Learning all about Columbus. Plus it may help us land a new car at a discounted price.
Its that time of year again. When I get turned down for jobs all across the denomination for lack of experience. Well, that and my lack of preferred area of service. I just really don't know what I want to do, because I haven't done anything.
I love getting together with friends. I'm a board game junkie and I really never get to do it that much. This Saturday we're going to have pizza and then a cake party. I'm going to make Morgan Macpherson's Skor Cake. Mmmmmm.
I'm growing my hair back out. Maybe not shoulder-length, but I've determined that I enjoy my look with a shaggy do. It suits who I am inside.
I just learned from my Mom that my adopted name was Nicholas Lee Fredericksen. I like Jon better.
Positives: Emma picking out my shirts, beef tenderloin, date with the wife.
Negatives: Man boobs, shoulder pain, missing ball hockey.

Sunday, March 01, 2009

Raindrops on roses....

In the spirit of Jon Stephens who does not read this blog,
These are a few of my favorite things.
"Jesus Freak" by DC talk. One of the few albums that I can say impacted me. I was just entering college and these formerly dance/hip-hop artists, who I did not like, blew Christian music up.
"The Naked Gun". Still one of the funniest movies, start to finish.
The "Bruno and Boots" books by Gordon Korman.
Hot showers on cold days.
Jeans that have been worn 5 days in a row.
The book of Romans. So many questions and conundrums.
Lots of scoring in sports.
Black and white photos.
Cadbury milk chocolate.
Making mix cds.
New Flavors from Ben and Jerry's
Listening to my daughter talk
Quilts
Rubbing the dogs heads on my lap after they've had their showers
Watching hockey games live.
Sub weeks. For the uninformed, that's when I eat tuna subs three meals a day for a week.
Fantasy football. I also hate it depending on the week.
The X-Men movies. Almost perfect.
Planning vacations.
Taking vacations.
Chicken tenders from Roosters.
My ball glove.
"Scrubs"
Catching the entire season of Lost with no repeats.

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Is it me or......?

My basketball team has lost 14 straight games dating back 3 years. The softball team I played for last year? We didn't win a game either. I used to think I was the reason, but there are a lot of guys on those teams that are not me. Guys with talent.
Losing is one of those things that gets to you. Not in an upfront way but it has a way of staying with you and impacting you whether or not you know it. Like today at work, we got our butts chewed out for not selling more. In a recession. And it happens like twice a month. And I'd do something else but I'm lucky to have a job. There's really nothing else. Or if there is I don't know how to find it.
Emma has these moments where she'll randomly hit me. I'll tell her to stop, warn her of the consequences and then enact her punishment. Then she freaks and wants her Mom. Ten minutes later she's my best bud.
I can't let the dogs drink cold water. They've been barfing after walks when they come in and fill up on water. Thank God for laminate flooring.
I got told to "hold on" at a fast food joint the other day. I was in the drive thru and rolled up to the speaker where I was told to "Hold on". Not "be right with you" or "could you wait a moment please" but a sigh and frustrated, "Hold on". Serves me right for putting any confidence in the food service industry anymore.
I think I'll pop some corn tonight. We used to have a hot oil popper and melted real butter. It was amazing. Then we switched to a bowl that air popped it. Course now it's all bagged.
Positives: Finally getting baseboard, future steak dinner, DirectTV
Negatives: Missing the lads, chronic back pain, missing Scrubs...again...

Friday, January 16, 2009

New year, same oljonnyhurd

Well, we're down to three people at work now. In case you didn't know I'm a family service professional at a cemetery,(yes it's a real job)and through a series of resignations and firings we are down to a sales staff of three. Which is exactly where we were at when I started. Seven other people have now come and gone in one calendar year. Amazing. It's really all due to everyone hating either the ugly side of the job(sales) or our stubborn, crotchety and downright mean sales manager. Yet she remains employed. Hmmmm....
We are now refinancing our home and hope to save at least 100 bucks a month on our mortgage. Woohoo! Here's to the economy being so bad it sometimes benefits you. Our car just got paid off and now we have cash free to reinstall cable. Down here you have to either get cable or a converter box because TV is going digital.
Can someone tell me why a Big Mac costs $2.99 but a double cheeseburger only costs $1.19 when the only difference is lettuce and an extra piece of bread? I'm paying for novelty aren't I? Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!
My family is split over two countries and none of us is really even that near each other. My parents have to drive 2 and 1/2 hours just to see my sister while my brother is a day from me. And by day I mean 24 hours. It kind of sucks cause all your vacation time is spent either traveling or visiting. But we push on.
It was -9 F here this morning. A five year low. My mustache froze. Our neighbor was sweet enough to snow blow our walk and driveway cause he loves using it. (the blower not our driveway)
Emma continues to be the prettiest, smartest kid in our house. She got a few new videos for Christmas and watches them ad nauseum. But I've taught her to ask for Scrubs or Diners, Drive-ins and Dives as well.("I'm no Superman")
I created a new dessert on a friend's suggestion. Nutter Butter Cheesecake is a hit! The cookie business remains underwhelming. The spirit is willing but demand is weak.
Skyline chili tonight, or maybe dinner out with our friends the Loscherts. Laurie owes me a steak.
I've removed myself from all positions of leadership in the church because every time I get involved, something happens that I can't stomach. And believe it or not, the best way to overcome a problem is not be part of the solution. That only works if you are taken seriously as a leader in the first place. Which I clearly am not. I've attempted to share a bunch of ideas with different staff members and influential congregants only to be ignored or told to wait. Either way, I'm through trying to help a group of people who clearly don't want my brand of assistance. I still hold to the slimmest of hopes that God will put my fertile brain and bold spirit to good use somewhere but the ball's in his court now.
A quick farewell to AJ's blog. I hope his time management becomes more effective and he can return. His insightfulness will be missed.
And finally, an undoubtedly innappropriate shout-out to all the ladies out there who use the word "panties" to describe their unmentionables. I don't know why but it's so much sexier than "underwear". (I guess it's cause guys wear underwear.)