I was thinking today. I get really mad at a lot of stuff and stew on it. Too often God gets the brunt of my anger. I was mad at my co-worker who gets into at least two stupid fights a day with his girlfriend. Secondly, I was mad at my lot in life. You see, I load boxes from here to there all day and I'm trying to find a job in ministry. Well, on days like today, when we get too much to do and don't have the tools to adequately complete our task, I get angry. At life, co-workers, and God. This stems, I believe from a flawed view of what I am owed in life. Sometimes I think that because I live Christianly I should get the perfect job and a great night's sleep and a wife who cooks and enough money to invest and live securely. Just between you and me, I'm the least financially successfully member of my small group.
But my conditions have nothing to do with my faith. Sometimes the most faithful of all have nothing. Whereas on the other hand, those with the perfect life have a hollow existence. I guess this is just me being brutally honest with myself and you the viewer. From time to time I believe the lies. Truthfully it scares me to think I could be a faith experiment like Hosea or Abraham. Am I just supposed to be faithful with what I've got or should I aspire to greater things? Sorry, I forgot this blog was supposed to be about random crap. I almost heard a cheesy soundtrack swelling in the background.
If they made nursing commercials as cool as armed forces recuitment commercials, they probably wouldn't have to beg for nurses or teachers or whatever. I'm growing my hair out again. Yeah, there too, but I'm actually talking about on my head. later fashionistas
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6 comments:
What's wrong with just deciding to change your life if you're not happy with it? I hear so many Christians whine about waiting for God to make something happen or to open a door, but why can't it just be done by the individual? I guess maybe that's where I diverge from the church (or at least it's one small part of my diverting)...I don't want to leave my life up to some other force anymore. I have it within me to make my life exactly what I want. Grabbing onto that realization has brought me more happiness than any church message...so why is that so wrong? I'm sure the Christian answer has something to do with the devil deceiving me and this not being true happiness, but I know the thoughts that were in my head when I was closer to the church and I know what's in my head now. I'm leaps and bounds ahead of the person I once was, and I make no apologies for it to anyone.
So why does your life have to be a faith test? Maybe it's just that deep down the idea of uprooting your life and trying something new scares the shit out of you... I know it scares the shit out of me...especially when you're only certain of how to do the uprooting, but you're not certain of how it will end up. As much as I hate the path my life is on now, there's security and comfort in knowing exactly how each day will go... But then I stop and ask myself if this is really all I want out of life and for me, the answer is no. I don't know if you were actually looking for an answer to your question, but I say you should aspire to greater things... but hey, that's just my opinion. What the hell do I know?
Geez you really are pissed at the church aren't you? Everything in life could be a faith test and that's why I don't want to rashly react to my circumstances. I'm not scared of a move, a career change or the boogeyman. I have to develop the patience that runs through so many I respect. I welcome an opportunity to use my unique skill set. But if that opportunity never presents itself, what then? If you go to school to study veterinary medicine and then cannot find work as a vet would you not think perhaps you should try something else? Well I went to school to learn about Doing work at a church. If that kind of work never comes my way then I have to alter my view of the future. My life could be a faith test because my life is directed by my faith. I can't apologize for that as I would not ask you to refrain from smacking organized religion. Sometimes it sucks but at its heart is a belief that Christ's way to live is the best way. God first, others second, you third.
I'm pissed at the church? ya think? ;) I wouldn't call it pissed... not sure what I'd call it...maybe indifferent to it all... dunno
I'm not saying go out and be a boat builder or some other unrelated-to-your-degree thing (why was that the first thing that came to mind? I don't know), but what is it that you want to do? Do you need someone else to quit? or can you create that thing somewhere else? Are you pining for one job in particular or a job type? If i go to school and be a Vet and can't find a job, I can open a clinic of my own...it's still a risk as running a business always is, but it's something I can create for myself. I'm not trying to be pissy. No, really, I'm not.. maybe I just wrote that too early in the day or something... I just have listened to my mom's "your day will come" mantra for far too long...and every time she says it, it's like nails on a chalkboard to me. I'm making my own day now! I'm choosing how it will go... none of this waiting crap. I'm attempting to have faith in myself I guess...
Sorry if that sounded harsh earlier.. maybe i'm just too blunt. But you're Jonathan and I'm Monica and I can spout off shit like that to you, can't I? I know it's not 3am, but still... ;)
Absofreakinlutely. This is a blunt blog and I expect the comments to be just as straightup. I was trying to be as not defensive as possible while still presenting my ideas. Talk all the shit you want here. It's safe cause of love. You're Monica and I'm Jonathan. (but pretty much just to you and my mother)
funny...your mom uses your full name and my mom NEVER uses my full name. maybe not funny, but interesting... okay, maybe not even interesting.. but still... My dad, on the other hand, almost always uses my full first name and my middle name.. yup, I'm tired..lol... I'll shut up now. :)
You said "I'm trying to find a job in ministry." Well Jon Hurd, you are in ministry.
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