My friend AJ is having trouble finding locales to hang with unchurched people. My problem is I can't get away from them. Every job I've had, I am surrounded by people. I have never worked in a cubicle. I see humanity all day long. Customer service, working as a marker, and now as a salesperson, I am on display for all to see. Setting myself as an example of what a Christian looks like whether I want to or not.
I actually yearn for the church office life. I want to rub shoulders with my peers. To speak of the things of God daily and at length. I want to fix things, create things, and get things done. Don't get me wrong, I'm as committed as the next guy to evangelism. But I believe that my effectiveness will be increased tenfold when I'm away from the life. I want to live above the fray. I feel a little too much of the world and not in it. Maybe it's because I've had a taste of church life and it tasted so good and maybe I sound like a spoiled brat, but try working in negative situations for a while and see how much fight you've got left in you.
The average person won't understand my point of view cause it's all they've known but my spirit is exhausted from taking so many bodyblows of negativity and corruption. I see hurt manifested all day long. I just want to do some research on the disease for a while instead of treating it.
live outside the lines
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- oljonnyhurd
- A grad of BBC. Lover of quality cookies. Tuna sub fan extraodinaire
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Life’s Failures12 years ago
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6 comments:
hey hurd.
You gave this blog the wrong title - it as nothing to do with wussing out. And everything to do with your heart, passion and God's calling on your life!
I don't know why He has you where He does right now - but I know this... He's given you the desire to be in church ministry. And if He's given you the desire, He WILL give you the ministry. (it's just taking longer than you'd like. ;o) I understand that fully.) Try to be patient and don't get discouraged... I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God will put you back in Church ministry - eventually.
But for now, know that you are loved & prayed for... This too shall pass.
~MB
could this be the source of your angst? ... "I am as comitted to Evangelism as the next guy" ... shoudn't you be a lot more committed than that?
~ some anonymous old geezer
I agree with the person saying that this is probably more a sign of your desire to be in the church than to be out of the world. I feel the exact opposite. I needed to get out of the church for a while. It's been soooo good for me to step out of the limelight and high expectations I was placing on others (and myself) in the "formal ministry" and just be able to be a regular human again... living below the radar, being myself. It's been good for me to be away from church agendas and programs that need filling, projects that need funding, people that need psycho-analyzing, etc. I like earning a pay check for working 40 hours a week. Period. I care about my job, but I can compartmentalize it a bit better because I don't feel like people's eternal destinies are at stake.
All that is to say, isn't the way the Lord works interesting? He's leading you. Go with it. I don't think where you're leaving is a bad place, as much as where your going is a better place (for you, right now).
I wouldn't be surprised if when the hospital turns to a battleground (in other words, when the church starts inflicting its bodyblows, negativity, and corruption), you then start feeling the Lord leading you back to the world... for a little respite. :)
Dear anonymous 2, Nope. There's a lot of other things I should be a lot more committed about but that's not one of them.
Your a great blogger (just in case you didn't know).
Not sure what to say really, but wanted to comment and say I can relate.
who are these anonymous people?? anonymous comments are so out of vogue.
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