Information Superhighway

I used to think I was allergic to the sun. Every time I would look up I sneezed so I just figured....I still can't explain that phenomenon. It happens to the kid too.
Driving doesn't really relax me. I get uptight because I try to get into the other drivers' heads. Like, why would they be braking every thirty seconds? Why are they going the school zone speed limit when school is not in session? Why are they not going on the green light?
Have you ever really poured Johnson's Baby Shampoo into your eyes? Tearless my ass. It stings.
Why is it that lunch meats aren't good on the second day but spaghetti is?
I paid 20 bucks for 8 razor blades yesterday. Man did I go into the wrong business.
I haven't taken a bath in like ten years. I should.
This week Laurie is going to a conference in Atlanta and I have Emma all to myself for like four days. Scary. She doesn't sleep as well for me but she eats better so I guess we'll have a chubby, bleary-eyed little girl when she returns home. I tend to splurge when Laurie isn't around. Sometimes it's a movie, or eating out...who am I kidding, it's always eating out.
I wish I could find the perfect T-shirt. I find them here and there but I usually can't go back and buy like twenty of them. I'd like to pitch about half my stock right now. Too short or too tight. Or I could lose ten pounds.
Now it's time to heap praise on someone I know.
Kelly Thomas: write a book already! Your prose is touching, human and heartfelt. That spells blockbuster where I'm from. Just as long as I'm in the "Special thanks to" notes.
Positives: a great church, a dog bed full of balls and two laughing babies, tender pork loin
Negatives: wandering in all forms, God's timing, dry clean only pants

The power of pie

I went out to a diner tonight. It's located in an old gas station and has that small town feel that every diner should. Well, "Henry's" is known for its pie and my friend Jon called the diner in advance to make sure we would get a piece. Upon arrival we were asked by the waitress if we would be willing to give up our slices. There were two men, a father and son, who were from Pennsylvania. They had visited "Henry's" 18 years earlier and had a piece of pie. Remembering how good it was they wanted to stop again and have a slice. But it turned out they had sold every piece, save those reserved for us. Well hearing their plight, how could we refuse? The cool thing was the guys had been sitting there just chatting with the locals for about 20 minutes. Had they left even a minute earlier, our paths would not have crossed and we never would have had the chance to show that kindness. The best part was how appreciative the men were. It really was the best pie they'd ever had.
We really had a funny waitress too. They were out of two of the entrees we ordered, so when Tim and I reordered, we were only allowed to order something that met her standards. Also Evan got labeled a wimp for not ordering true diner food. She was a hoot. Just the lady to deal with a bunch of wise asses like us.
Life is interesting right now. Em is regressing in the sleep area again. Work is a bitter grind. And I'm being shut out on the pastoral job search, again.
Did you ever have a pee that felt like it would never end? It's a weird sensation.
Positives: free subs, first pre-need sale, grocery shopping
Negatives: managerial oversight, garlic breath, far away "lighters"

Menudo

Voluminous! There, I finally remembered one. Snowflake. Good also.
AJ has been giving me bits and pieces of song lyrics and I have to try to finish them. I read a couple of years ago that the British voted on the all-time best song lyric. And the winner was "One life, with each other, sisters, brothers", from "one" by U2.
My personal favorite comes from a song by Third Day called "I don't know".

"I don't know what I could say, or would it matter anyway? Cause I don't know how you could still forgive me. For all that I have put you through, is there anything that I can do? I would give my life to find your mercy. What will it take until you forgive me? Or Lord will I find that you have already. I don't know."

I feel bad when I have to discipline. Whether it's my dogs or my daughter, I don't enjoy it in the least. This realization offers me insight into the heart of God. I am a father. God is my father. The bible says the lord disciplines those he loves, like a father disciplines his child. Well, if I feel as bad as I do and I'm not even close to being able to love as God does, how much more does my "Dad" agonize over my course corrections, my discipline?
Tomorrow I get to give, on behalf of my small group, a trunkload of groceries to a woman who needs it. Out of work, three kids. It feels right, you know? Helping out, I mean. Doing the work of the church. I'm blessed to hang with these broken, striving, flawed, sainted brothers.
Positives: Free milkshake #2, sending out resumes, Jon and Joyce Myers
Negatives: Management, the glut of good TV on Thursday nights, lack of experience

Don't patronize me

Funny isn't it? Patronage is a good thing, but patronizing is bad.
I like words: How they sound, and sometimes perfectly represent what they are.
Laurie likes the word llama cause it's a double L. And effervescent. She hates ornery, facetious and phenomenal. I like sizzle, drummer and jerk. I hate tool, awesome and the phrase "hedge of protection".
Brilliant is underused. I met a guy from Ireland last night and he described the parents of his girlfriend as "brilliant". Funny, eh? I like fifties words like neat and swell and keen and golly gee whiz.
Fart is a fun word. It's playfully crass. Like crap. No one says crap better than my friend Jon. It's always preceded by the word "Awww".
The written word is better than the spoken word, I believe. I appreciate it more when I see words put together in a pleasant or smart way. I can appreciate fine oratory but I bow to good writing. I aspire to it. I respect when someone chooses their words carefully to more accurately and descriptively convey what they've experienced. It makes me want to become a student of language.
I never remember all my favorite words when I want to so the time has come to defer to you, the reader and let you opine on your favorite words or phrases. Hopefully I'll remember mine someday soon.

Thank God I'm not lactose intolerant

Today was a good day.
OK, this may not come as a surprise to many of you, but I'm a food geek. I like trying food. I like learning about food. I like shows about food. I kind of revel in it. I especially appreciate it when it's free.
This afternoon I was driving by the local Chik fil A and saw on their sign that on April 2nd you could win shakes for a year at 5pm. What could it hurt to stop inside? I figured it was some drawing that I'd never win but what the heck. Turns out all you had to do was get in line, get a ticket and stay on the premises until 5. The first one hundred people to get their ticket got a punch card good for 52 free milkshakes or one per week.
Well, I called Laurie and it didn't take much convincing to get her over there. An hour and a half later we were holding the first of our 52 shakes. I don't know why, but life seemed better because I held that card. Who knew that one stop could totally affect the rest of my year?
Now if only this specter of good fortune would turn its gaze upon my career. Can't be greedy I guess.
Positives: Emma's grins, appointments, free trips to Cracker Barrel
Negatives: Cutting nails too short, boogers, mornings beginning before 6am